10.23 – You Cant Always Get What You Want

You Can’t Always Get What You Want
365 Days of BlakHat — October 23, 2026
You know what’s remarkable about human beings?
We can have a hundred things going right in our lives, and the one thing we can’t have is the thing that keeps us awake at night.
And sometimes, if we’re being particularly ridiculous, we don’t even want it that badly until somebody tells us we can’t have it.
There’s something almost comical about that.
Almost.
Because when disappointment gets personal, there’s nothing particularly funny about it.
Maybe somebody doesn’t love us the way we’d hoped. Maybe we don’t get the job. Maybe someone makes a decision that changes our life, and we don’t get a vote.
And suddenly we’re negotiating with reality.
We replay conversations. Invent better arguments. Imagine what we should have said.
As though the universe might reconsider if we present a sufficiently compelling case.
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus had an uncomfortable observation about this. He argued that our distress often comes from demanding that events conform to our wishes, rather than learning to deal with events as they actually unfold.
Now, that’s easy to admire when everything’s going your way.
It’s considerably harder when you’re the one standing there empty-handed.
And I don’t think the answer is to pretend we don’t care.
Of course we care.
We’re human.
But there’s a difference between wanting something and allowing that want to take possession of us.
At some point, we have to ask ourselves whether we’re still pursuing something worthwhile or simply refusing to accept that the answer was no.
That’s not an easy distinction.
Sometimes persistence is courage.
Sometimes it’s just stubbornness wearing a respectable suit.
And knowing the difference might save us years of frustration.
So want things. Want them passionately. Take chances. Make yourself vulnerable enough to be disappointed.
But when life refuses to cooperate, don’t spend the rest of your days arguing with the verdict.
There’s still a whole world out there.
And it would be a shame to miss it because we’re standing at a door that isn’t going to open.